Thursday, December 11, 2014

ecstasy, as we gown down, slowly. . .

HI FRANZ! *no ones there*
That's okay. Here's a quick recollection of the wonders of the recent times-so that I can reflect during the future harder ones to come. Inevitably.

My boyfriend is a superhero, but people call him Fudge. I'm eating peanuts.

Actually...I'm thinking about renigging on that decision to reflect over my week...
It's been nuts. I'm listening to STRFKR as I tell you that one of my best friends tried to kill himself I found out today. Nameless, shameless, we all struggle. This struggle is all too surreal and too real all at the same time for me. First it was mom, then Todd, then little Me as the invincible version of the Princess and the Pea...Dad, little sister, ex boyfriend #1, #2. I stopped #3 from jumping off the roof of that building downtown and when #4 said "I'M GUNNA JUMP!" I was tired. I told him, "just do it then", and ThankFuckingGod he didnt. Because we wouldnt be where we are today. Say what you mean Dallas. Be cautious the power of the vessel you choose. We are mightier than we think, even when we are weak. Still eating peanuts. All suicide aside; my boyfriend is a superhero and Karen O likes to serenade me YouTube style with songs dedicated to my better "Hysteric" moments. Very reminiscent of Cat Power. Hang Heavy, you suddenly complete me, you suddenly complete me. A FUCKING SUPERHERO! HE HAS CHANGED SHAPES! He can fly without wings when he's in crazy situations-he calls on vastly more powerful morals than that of a human being. HE'S A SUPERHERO. He preaches the truth when others are scared of it. He doesn't bask in lies, or the shadows of dark sides. HE IS A SUPERHERO- I recognize him because over the years I've lived off a diet of Iron and Wine and I've been looking for a superman. He is something different, and I don't think I full really truly realized his capabilities until he stepped into the light. I can stroll along, whistling like a spiritual gangster floating on air and the Nike's my boyfriend bought me, singing "MY BOYFRIEND IS A SUPERHERO AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS HIM!". He's been saving my ass for so long, I think I neglected to truly give him credit for all the good he has inside. I just have always thought he was beautiful anyways, but it's glaring now. Like the sun, except he just doesn't burn my eyes. I drink him up through blue pools, and feed my quiet halftime soul. Celebrate? 90 reasons a day, until I owe him more! vague vague vague-cunt, and prettttyyyyy (my make up was returned to me). I think the chances of that was like 1/100 addicts? lucky duck.

<3 goose *smack & RUN*

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Oh World...

fuck...
Writing is like sex to me.

If only I could bloom. Entirely. I peek; i  peak daily. And then I rush back down like the Irish in my veins.
A gloomy bloomer is what I am haha.
"What plagues me nowadays," nobody but my impromptu Mother Replacement Model
And I myself ask me.
Hilarity. Ecstasy. The cracks of the lowest past depths.
My "best friend" who I haven't known for years, and my claim
on that term has yet to belong to anyone but God.
I pray while I walk and insist with the openest mind I've got
"take this from me take this from me takethisfrommetakethisfromme"
The first part of all my days but Sunday is that of a depressing sitcom,
and I look back on it every night as if I were a stranger.
Stranger, I have grown. In all ways.

Jason's got me crumbling, and mumbling weak little cries under the covers at night.
Because I love him so,
Only because I am fixable as shattered glass if he doesn't make this trip with me.
I know there are others,
I know I've got a list of people that Ive been serving warm beer for over concrete slabs, those that I will meet behind all the other doors other than this one here that I entered into.
One I never even chose.
A little late to turn around and run.
I've tried to find light by searching all the darkness,
and so far the new plan is fairing me so much better...half the time?
I know I'm going to be okay,
If rather just be fucking incredible with you.
If you don't make it...I swear to fucking God I'll burn this world to shredz.
It's too important to be a secondary lesson.
Let my love shine, and
Take this from me
     but don't take THIS from me
take this , but don't take THAT.
That's all I've fuxking got some days..